


Ease This Ache

by chocobo_lolz



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Early Relationship Insecurities, M/M, Misunderstandings, Morning Sex, Porn with Feelings, Submissive Sonny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 04:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10454922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocobo_lolz/pseuds/chocobo_lolz
Summary: It’s horrible to think that now that Sonny has realized what he has, and that he can’t keep it, he can’t enjoy it while it lasts.  But that’s what is happening now.  As Rafael gives him sweet, lazy, affection, all Sonny can think about is how long he has left until Rafael realizes he can do better.





	

Sonny wakes up to an unfamiliar brightness, the daylight bleeds into the room and gently announces that its time to wake up. As he moves his limbs feel like jell-o and his head seems weightless. He’s vaguely aware of the time, it’s probably seven? 

The thick silky comforter on top of him is making him overheated. His arm muscles burn when he pushes off the blanket, but the fresh air feels cool against his bare skin while the sunlight from the window counters it with a pleasant heat. 

There is an unspecific feeling of dread lurking at the back of his mind, but he’s so comfortable and relaxed that he doesn’t want to investigate it. It’s his day off and he’s alone in Rafael’s bed, which is far cozier than his own. It’s the first morning he’s spent here, but the surroundings are familiar enough to feel comforting. He can pick up Rafael’s scent on the pillow beneath his head and turns his nose to it, breathing in.

In the bathroom, something clatters to the floor and Rafael whispers out an annoyed “Shit.”  
Sonny smiles to himself even as the unnamed anxiety within him spikes. 

Last night Barba was going to fuck him, not for the first time, but for Sonny it’s all still new enough to make him feel nervous. _Amazing_ , but nervous. 

And last night, God knows why, Sonny had backed out. Last minute, right before Rafael pushed in, panic had set in and Sonny jerked away and told Rafael to stop.

And Rafael had. He soothed Sonny and told him it was okay. He asked if it was being fucked that he didn’t want or sex in general. And then he coaxed Sonny, reassuringly, into fucking him, saying he wanted Sonny in whatever way Sonny wanted as well. That he didn’t care that Sonny had changed his mind.

And Sonny believed him. He believed that Rafael wanted him, no matter what.

And that is where this anxiety is coming from. 

It wasn’t until the haze of his orgasm was long gone that he had realized how foolish he was. Just before sleep took him, Sonny realized that Rafael Barba is the best thing in his life. The brilliant, sexy, passionate, and surprisingly kind man, is the primary source of happiness in his life right now. But they aren’t dating and Rafael has expressed no interest in changing things. Sonny has it _bad_ and it’s far too late for him to avoid heartbreak. 

So now, laying in the suddenly too soft bed, listening to this amazing man get ready for work in the other room, he’s is struck with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. 

Rafael emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later, Sonny knows he should close his eyes and pretend he’s sleeping but he’s afraid that if he blinks the tears of self-pity building up will start to fall. The last thing he needs is for Rafael to see him cry. 

But Rafael does see that he is awake. 

“Sonny,” he says, with warm affection, making his way towards this bed, dressed to the nines. Sonny’s heart swells and, even though he knows it will hurt later, he craves reassurance. He basically sighs out “Rafi” and accepts the kisses bestowed upon him eagerly. 

It’s horrible to think that now that Sonny has realized what he has, and that he can’t keep it, he can’t enjoy it while it lasts. But that’s what is happening now. As Rafael gives him sweet, lazy, affection, all Sonny can think about is how long he has left until Rafael realizes he can do better. That yes Sonny is great, and smart, and fun, but he isn’t exactly worth keeping around for more than sex. Rafael can easily find someone handsomer, older, richer, and smarter. Someone he can introduce to his friends and go yachting with. Someone he can marry.

When Rafael pulls away, suggesting breakfast, overwhelming panic suddenly strikes. He had Rafael just then, his full attention and free easy kisses, but he hadn’t enjoyed it. It can’t be over yet. 

“Stay” he begs, and doesn’t realize his insecurities are bleeding out for Rafael to see until the ADA is looking at him with concern.

Rafael kneels beside the edge of the bed where Sonny lies, “Something the matter?” he asks, the strong hand running through Sonny’s hair makes him want to whimper. “Sonny?”

Sonny doesn’t want to admit to how he’s feeling. He isn’t this emotional typically and he knows that with some distance this feeling of loss will leave him. So he just shakes his head and lies, “No, I’m fine.”

Rafael levels him with a steady, assessing look, but doesn’t press. Instead he leans in and kisses Sonny softly on the cheek, brushing his thumb at his hairline behind his ear. 

“I hope that you are,” he says, sliding his hand down to Sonny’s neck, caressing the sensitive skin, his tone is both concerned and suggestive.

He leans down to kiss Sonny’s pectoral, and nuzzles his nose against his clavicle. Sonny’s skin buzzes with pleasant sensation and he arches his back just slightly, arousal pooling low in his stomach. 

Rafael hums in appreciation, still nuzzling into Sonny’s bare skin, as his hand wanders even lower, rubbing circles around his left nipple and occasionally tweaking the erect nub. He kisses, open mouthed, down Sonny’s chest and envelopes Sonny’s other nipple into the heat of his mouth. 

This time Sonny’s back flies off the mattress, he presses into the pleasure of Rafael’s mouth. 

Rafael, reluctantly, disconnects from Sonny. “Shh” he says, pressing him back down against the mattress, “Relax, darling.” 

He leans in for a slow soothing kiss and Sonny lets himself sink back down, allowing his lover control. They kiss for a long moment until Sonny’s breathing calms down. The careful attention Rafael is paying him is intoxicating, and his dick is so hard, but he ignores it.

This time, when Rafael leans away, he runs both of his hands against Sonny’s slightly heated skin. Sonny squirms at the touch, but does his best to relax. 

“Close your eyes” Rafael whispers, and he does. 

In the dark each touch feels even more intimate. He feels Rafael’s strong wonderful hands run along his body, his left hand will move up from his stomach up the side of his neck, as the left hand wanders from his nipple down to his inner thigh, where he’ll caress and squeeze and push so Sonny spreads his legs. 

It goes on and on, continuous and relentless, until Sonny is hypnotized by the soothing touches.

Overwhelmed, Sonny feels both loved and sexually frustrated. He wants more but he also never wants the affectionate caresses to stop. He wants Rafael’s hands on him for the rest of his life. An unnamed emotion wells within him and chokes him, it's a strange mixture of love and loss. 

Rafael’s kisses against his throat silence the feeling. 

“Please” he hears himself ask, breathy and desperate, when one of Rafael’s hands drifts closer to his straining erection, pressing firmly down against the flat of his stomach. 

He feels lips against his shoulder just before Rafael grasps him firmly and begins pumping. “Oh, oh god.” Sonny moans, unable to stop himself from thrusting his hips upwards.

“I know baby, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Rafael says, warm breath tickling at Sonny’s neck. He speeds up his stroking, and moves his free hand to hold Sonny’s hips down. 

Sonny loves it, how strong Rafael is, how possessive the grip feels. He fights against the pressure wantonly just to be reminded that he’s going to lose. “Shit, Rafi” he groans out, suddenly very close to the edge.

Rafael, impatient with his squirming, climbs from his space beside the bed, and straddles Sonny’s legs to keep him in place. The expensive fabric of Rafael’s suit brushes against his skin. He’s completely naked and exposed on the man’s bed while his partner is still fully clothed, perfectly composed, ready for work. Sonny finds it wildly arousing. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot” he whines out.

And instead of chuckling, like Rafael sometimes does when Sonny compliments him during the throes of passion, he practically growls. “ _Me?_ Sonny, you look so fucking amazing right now.” 

And although Sonny has no idea what his lover’s plan may have been, he’s pretty confident Rafael deviates from it entirely when he gives up on his gentle caresses and instead leans his full weight on his hand on Sonny’s chest -high up, nearly against his neck- and bends down to suckle on his sensitive nipple. 

With his other hand, Rafael is still jerking Sonny off, firm and quick and perfect. It’s an awkward position, but with the contrast of light electric pleasure from Rafael’s mouth coursing through his veins and the possessive pressure of Rafael’s weight on his thighs and chest, Sonny knows he isn’t going to last long at all.

He moans out, “Fuck Rafi, yes, yes” and squirms and struggles beneath Rafael, feeling the rough fabric of his suit coat brush against his sensitive skin as the man leans over him. Normally, Rafael would take this time to talk Sonny off, saying just the right things to drive him wild, but this time he doesn’t. Instead, almost desperately, he jerks Sonny faster, sucks harder, and digs his fingers into the flesh of Sonny’s chest. 

With a startlingly intensity, Sonny comes. 

It’s only then that Rafael stops sucking at his skin. He strokes Sonny through the last of his orgasm and whispers praises into his ear. Sonny is too sated to truly hear his words, but the humidity of Rafi’s breath and the loving tone of his words makes Sonny feel good. Like he somehow accomplished something by coming for Rafael. 

When his body becomes too sensitive for Rafael’s attention, the older man rolls off of him and they both take a moment to catch their breath. “Fuck, Rafi that was…” Sonny says, trailing off, too stupid with his orgasm to find a good enough adjective. “You want me to…?” he asks, again trailing off, but this time it’s because Rafael is shaking his head, no. 

Sonny rolls to his side and notices just how wrecked Rafael looks. His hair is still perfect, but his suit is crumpled and wrinkled, he has Sonny’s come on his shirt and a wet patch at his crotch where his own come is bleeding through the thin fabric of the summer suit. Sonny vaguely remembers the pressure of Rafael’s cock rubbing against his thigh.

A rush of worry overcomes him, he feels like a bad lover. He let Rafael touch and worship his body, but Rafael had to rut against him in order to find release? 

Before he can start to truly feel inadequate for just lying there, Rafael gives him a brilliant, lazy and affectionate smile. It takes some effort, but Sonny decides not to worry about it if Rafael doesn’t seem to mind. Next time he’ll do more. 

“Come here.” Rafael says, and Sonny hastily fits himself against Rafael’s side, resting his head on the man’s chest. His entire body is still humming with satisfaction, the ghosts of loving caresses comfort him into feeling content. 

They must make a pretty picture, lying together in the morning sun, Sonny completely naked with his pinkened skin and sex hair, and Rafael looking debauched in a rumpled suit. 

In a lethargic motion, the lawyer reaches out to pet Sonny’s hair. It’s sweet and calming, but after a moment of it there’s a distracted air to it that makes Sonny think he’s lost Rafael. He’s far away. Thinking.

Rafael’s hand stills completely, and the air becomes thick with tension. When he speaks, the man’s words are careful and calculated “Forgive me for springing this on you post orgasm,” he says, “I meant to ask at breakfast but I don’t think I’ll have time for that now.” 

His tone is calm, but Sonny can feel his heartbeat speed up. It’s at this time that Sonny realizes he’s about to be broken up with. So soon, just like that. 

But despite how strongly Sonny feels it in his gut that he already knows what’s going on, he finds himself needing to hear Rafael say it. So he doesn’t interrupt when Rafael continues. “I was wondering if you’d consider making this…” he stops to gesture between the two of them, and Sonny turns his head to look up at Rafael’s face. 

Rafael looks right back, his gaze intense. 

“...Official,” he finishes.

And Sonny is completely floored. This was not at all what he would have expected. It’s unlike Rafael to jump into things on a whim, but Sonny would have noticed if his lover had given any indication of emotional attachment before. In fact, before last night, things had been so casual Sonny hadn’t even noticed his own feelings. 

“You can think about it, if you need to, it was just a thought.” Rafael says, expertly hiding any nerves, but Sonny recognizes them anyway. 

He realizes that he didn’t see before because Rafael has been afraid to show him.

“I don’t need to think about it.” He answers truthfully, because Rafael wants him, he wants him _officially_ and that’s enough, for now, to quell any feelings of inadequacy Sonny may have. Today, for once, they’re on the same page, and it feels amazing. “ I’d like that a lot.” 

Rafael’s eyes soften, and Sonny thinks it’s the first look of adoration Rafael has ever freely given him. But maybe their lovemaking, the past few times, should have been a hint. 

All of Sonny’s insecurities fly away. 

Sonny leans down to give Rafael a teasing kiss on the cheek, “…’Course now you’re going to have to meet my whole family.”

Rafael sits up and rolls his eyes, “Lord help me.”

“No takebacks” Sonny warns, smiling wide, grabbing playfully at Rafi’s bicep. 

Instead of brushing him off and getting up to change and rush to work, Rafael turns and smiles back. Leaning down into Sonny’s personal space, suddenly earnest, he says “I wouldn’t dream of it,” and kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> The title, as short as it is, was inspired by a song. It's the end of a line in 'Hang' by Matchbox 20.


End file.
